Turning Point

Tuesday, September 10: Describe a distinct moment when your life took a turn.

I have a moment in mind, but I can't use it.

I have to come up with another. 

Ah!  Got one.  I was almost 16.  Let's back it up.

I've been a follower of Jesus my whole life.  I had an active prayer life as a child, I loved VBS, I wore W.W.J.D. bracelets like there was no tomorrow.  My family did not go to church regularly, but we weren't Christmas-and-Easter-only church goers, either.  We went.  Sometimes.

Now, when I was on the brink of turning 16, just a few weeks before, really, I attended my first Summer In The Son week at Kentucky Christian College (now University).  It was in June of 2002.  I had been attending a very large (for the area) church for a few years by this time and I was actively involved in small groups, Wednesday night teen events, and other activities the church offered.  It was not until SITS 2002, however, that I realized that I loved God but was not living for God.  I was living for me.  And I was living for friends.  And I was living for my boyfriend.

Ahh, my teen boyfriend.  High school sweetheart.  I loved him with the full capacity of my fifteen year old heart.  He knew that I was committed to purity and saving myself for marriage and he was pretty good about it.  Let's consider that this boyfriend didn't really believe in God in the same way I did and did not entirely understand my decision.  Also consider that he was three years older than me and we had been "going out" for over two years.  And he was good looking.  He could have gotten it else ware, if you know what I mean.  I know that he fully loved me with as much capacity as he had in him, too.  It was awesome.  It was real.  I mean, we were KIDS but it was real.  And I had made him a real idol.  I lived and breathed for him.

Some of the messages at SITS 2002 that week were meant so specifically for me that it is uncanny.  It might sound weird and I can't really explain it, but I knew somehow that this relationship was keeping me from living for God.  And after that week, that was all I wanted for my life. 

It was the hardest thing I had ever done, but when I got home from KCC that week, I broke up with my boyfriend in order to live for God.  It was awful.  He was so depressed (so was I) that I legitimately worried for his safety.  I still would see him at school and we tried to be amicable.  We still tried to hang out for several months, but it was too hard.  I begged and pleaded with God to let us get back together someday, but that was not in the plans and I'm fine with it now.  I had gained an awesome trust in God that year, but I was depressed about giving up my boyfriend. 

Eventually, it got better.  With time comes the ease of pain.  I know that this might not sound like a big deal to most people and I probably sound like a sentimental sap, but it was genuinely tough.  He was my first love and he left a huge impression on my life. 

There's a semi happy ending...  He married and settled down after some time.  Quite a long while later, so did I.  We don't keep in touch, but it's not because we hate each other or have any bitterness.   We live several states apart and I don't think he even has Facebook or anything.  He made good pals with my stepdad and would still come over from time to time when I was in high school, college, and even after.  It's hard to explain the sort of bittersweet tenderness with which I still pray for him when I think of him. 

And don't take this to mean I still have feelings for him.  I don't.  We broke up over ten years ago when I was a kid.  I am very happily married to my love.  But I probably wouldn't be if my life had not taken that turn.